The cold wind on my face. The graying of the sky just after the sun has disappeared for the day. The clouds – thick, gray and angry. Just feeling and seeing a day like this reminds me of unsettled and uneasy feelings I had at times when I was the most afraid, the most exhilarated, and the most free. Times when I’m challenged by the mere fear of being outside with nature’s cruelty. And out of the comforts of four walls and locked doors. Away from people, and seemingly, away from the world.
In this world, there is only the rhythmic sound of my breath, the shadows swooping around me, and the lonely road sprawling ahead.
This is the world of endurance cycling. Where my ride keeps going when others stop. When I pedal full-speed into the approaching darkness, relying on my bicycle lights to illuminate the night.
It’s funny how roads traveled at night feel desolate. And I’ve not only stepped out of my “comfort zone,” I’ve blasted out of it.
Growing up, I was always told to be careful. To not be out late. To carry mace and a cell phone. To look over my shoulder. Lock the doors. And my Dad once gave me a gun. It’s instilled in women that after dark, there are bad people stalking us.
But this after dark period is where the real adventure of endurance cycling unfolds. It’s when the only sound I hear is my own breath and the sound my tires make as they glide along the road.
To put my Mom’s mind at ease, I don’t ride alone at night. Although, sometimes it feels like I’m alone even when my pace vehicle, filled with close friends, is behind me. Or even times when Pete is riding next to me. That comfort zone is a long ways away. It’s like being a rock climber who is afraid of falling and afraid of heights. Wait…that was me for four years.
How do you I explain that to people when they ask? I just say it’s hard to describe the thrill that gets my heart racing. The feeling of falling and not getting hurt. Making it to the top of a thin 5.10 climb or an overhang. It’s the same way on a bike. Doing the impossible. Obtaining the unreachable.
